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Tuesday, May 26, 2020

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Improve your sexual skills or lose your wife

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By Anayo M. Nwosu

Nobody wants to acknowledge the reality that many young marriages are crashing due to sexual disappointment expecially when the bride, full of hope of a great sexual life realizes that her new husband has a small phallus, so small that it cannot stir a tea in a small teacup.

Not as much as men feel when they realise that the supposedly rotund and provocatively standing breasts are faked and are lies contrived by wicked magic bras.

Ask many ladies who had no premarital sexual experience with their grooms about the level of tension they experienced at their wedding night, just before the husband unveiled his farm implement. 

It’s like the anxiety experienced during penalties at the FIFA world cup finals. 

It’s generally believed that a medium sized phallus is not much a problem but a very small or monstrously large penal organ could evoke disrespect or fear in a woman. 

While a woman could eventually overcome the fear of a large phallus and turn it into orgasm dispensing tool, many women whose new husbands unveil very small “thing” or abuna would immediately start plotting for failed marriage immediately. 

Many new wives who decide to stay on because of financial security or other socio-religious reasons would commence hatching contingency plans. Unfortunately, the man might know. 

Note that an experienced young man can manage an inexperienced wife and turn her into a happy cave of bliss. But it’s difficult for the women to volunteer to teach their men without a dire consequence. Many men have useless ego. 

There are men whose guns sparingly fire or fail to rise up to the occasion irrespective of their sizes. Some recoil and discharge less than two minutes into the arena to the utter disappointment of their new wives. These are major issues which are rarely discussed. 

The challenge before the new bride who was raised to believe that premarital sex was evil and who waited so patiently for the great day and blissful moments thereafter, is how she could communicate her frustrations to her relations without being called names. 

But many smart women would stir an provoked fight that would make their “useless” husbands initiate the “leave my house” command. 

Some aggrieved wives with conscience would just park out of their new matrimonial homes and relocate. They usually don’t return to their parents’ houses to avoid reconciliation sermons. They wouldn’t also confide in their parents or pastors because they wouldn’t understand. 

A young man should realise that the ability to satisfy his woman in bed is as important as other provisions in marriage. If you like, go marry a virgin, once the tamper seal is broken, she would demand for satisfaction only phallus can give. 

I will never use the mouth I use to receive Holy Communion to ask young ladies to sexually test their would-be grooms before marriage; but they could do the following: a bride to be could jokingly ask her man to show her his phallus to determine whether he is a real man or peep at him while he is taking bath; she could jokingly ask him how long he could last in bed, and whether he could use his fingers well and if he has problems using his tongue as a primer or finisher as may be needed. 

A modern man should be able to openly discuss sex with his future wife otherwise he has something to hide. Unfortunately, such discussions on aramọtụ or utterances are considered indecent in some cultures or religious organisations to the damnation of their needy members. 

If genotype testing and HIV screenings are demanded of intending couples, why not a lady have an idea of the virility of the pestle of her future husband? 

In some cultures, once certain rites are performed, the groom is mandated to sleep with one of the aunts of the bride to ascertain how good he is in bed. The testimony of the bride’s aunt is key to the completion of the marriage process. Those cultures know the central role of sex in marriages. 

Every intending young man should read wide and possibly seek for tutorials on how to sexually satisfy a woman to avoid turning a naturally good wife into a sexually under-priviledged woman or a lover of sex toys and a potential adultery victim. 

Experienced men should also mentor the younger men before they marry. I’m forever grateful to my uncle, Mr. Nduka for letting me into this secret of marital happiness many years before I got married. And I used my tongue to count my teeth

I was forewarned to learn and locate all the screams or giggles causing buttons in a woman’s body; how to get her ready, artfully undress her and to make the rain happen in her garden before introducing the real Mr. Nwosu or my yam tuber into her moustached bank or the cave where love is manufactured or made. 

My uncle would say, “sharpen your arrow and never leave a woman unsatisfied in bed”. In his own words “control of a wife starts in bed and that most women would always forgive their husbands’ misdemeanours as long as the men make them cry loud cries of happiness in bed”.

Many wonder why some wives adore their husbands who neighbours, friends and relations deem as economic misfits or useless. A peep or eavesdropping into their bedrooms during the match would clear your doubts. That man, to the wife, is most useful where it matters most.

A father was once heard asking his returnee daughter, “what does Edwin not give you? He bought you exotic cars made you a signatory to all his accounts and has never questioned any withdrawal you make. He has never beaten you nor insulted us your parents. Why on earth do you want to leave him?”

That’s the main reason why the underserviced or sexually dissatisfied wives leave their husbands and run far away from their parents and pastors.

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