By Anayo Nwosu
Never blame the husband of a beautiful woman as he fences off his wife against those he presumed predators. Nobody has a right to adjudge a wall too high a fence which an insecure man has erected around his home or his priced asset or a wife.
“Civilization my foot!” Mr. Akidi Amaoke stressed as he was saying that he did not care whatsoever anybody felt or thought about the hypersensitive alarm he normally raises whenever he senses that a guy (be he a relation or a friend) is getting too close to his wife.
“Only a stupid man would think that a kite was descending from the sky to play with small fowls on ground or that a goat in the midst of yam would treat the yam as wood”, he continued.
“I do not shout but scream anytime I adjudge a three-legged man too close to my wife. It works for me; when I scream, they leave my wife alone “, Akidi told me with a confidence of a pharmacist dispensing an efficacious drug he manufactured.
“Men of God are not excluded from my predators’ or ward off list ooo. I must not return home to see a pastor alone with my wife. I must be around for any type of prayer otherwise I will scream.
“Man is a man before becoming a pastor or priest. After all, no man of God would ever be greater than King David, the prophet and the writer of Psalms.
“The destiny of Uriah, the husband of Bathsheba shall never be my portion”, Akidi said without repentance.
Who would blame Mr. Akidi Amaoke?
“Obughi a na-ako n’amu ibi ana ada?” meaning “is it not a sustained scratching of the scrotum that enlarges an already inflamed scrotal sac into scrotal elephantiasis?” Akidi would asked rhetorically. He knew what he passed through to marry Ugegbema his wife. It was not easy. The competition was rife but he prevailed.
“Was it not like joke like joke, one bank Managing Director scattered the home of one of his female staff and married her off as a second wife”, Akidi said as if he covered the event.
“My brother, a beautiful woman is like a honey pot which attracts all manner of bees; so if you do not weed off an occupational “obachili” shrub, you will soon lose your farm,” my wailing friend advised without solicitation.
And I agree with him but his straightforward approach is to me too unwholesome. No man would pass without turning like a robot to catch a second gaze at the beautiful work of art named Ugegbema by her parents.
Not even the most pious of men would pass by Ugegbema with his head still straight or without stealing a gape at her, the way some of my friends stubbornly look at beautiful women by the roadside through their car rear mirrors to avoid their wives’ umbrage.
Ugegbema whose name means the “the very mirror that reflects a perfect beauty” in my opinion, was created by God in the Monday of a creation week with fresh moulding materials.
She is well proportioned with artistic contours drawn with divine calipers which only God could produce with His imprints all over her body. Not even six pregnancies could dime Ugegbema’s angelic beauty.
The bad economic situation had forced Mazi Akidi to reluctantly agree that his wife, Ugegbema picks a banking job. Trust the Nigerian banks, they deployed Akidi’s wife to customer service unit and later to marketing. She was adjudged magnetic and could attract customers.
Akidi only imagined what happened behind him but would not allow himself to witness any. He is also conscious of his blood pressure readings and as such, would not allow his mind or imaginations go on riot.
Akidi’s wife understands and most often is amused by her husband’s behaviour. She saw his possessiveness as a sign of love.
Are you married to a beautiful woman that works as a marketer in an insurance company, bank or as front desk officer in a five star hotel? How do you cope?
Do you ever imagine that another man who has what you do not have physiologically or materially is helping you to service your wife? How do you feel when you imagine that your wife collects many breasts’ depressing hugs in a day from her colleagues and customers alike at work?
Shouldn’t a heavily endowed or strikingly beautiful wife be kept at home for the delight of her husband alone?
Do you know that many men that tell your wife “Nne you’re very beautiful” would not want to stop at that if they see an opportunity to go beyond that?
Anybody may laugh this off but the man that is afflicted with “amu ibi” or “elephantine manhood” knows where his pain lies.